Fizzle the Anger Fuse

Michael Ryan, Psy.D., is the clinical director of supportive oncology at Henry Ford Cancer.

Most people can usually manage anger, but cancer can shorten anyone’s fuse. After treatment ends, life may not return to normal.

Side effects may linger, finances may be crunched and relationships may have changed. Whether it’s cancer-related anger or generalized anger, dark emotions can take on a life of their own. In any case, you have potential for peace.

Cancer is a hardship, and people have limits to what they can tolerate. To reduce frustration, eliminate stressors. Evaluate priorities and focus on one issue at a time.

Layers of emotion

It helps to understand that anger is a normal response when bad things happen. Anger can cover other, more vulnerable, emotions – sadness, grief, fear or anxiety. Sometimes it’s easiest to feel and show anger. Instead, try acknowledging deeper feelings – even if you can only acknowledge them to yourself.

Safely release emotions

Do physical activity – housework, gardening, exercising – to release anger energy. Try punching a pillow, yelling into a pillow or in your parked car.

Talk about emotions with a trusted confidant. Too angry to talk? Then “talk on paper.”

Private writing allows you to clarify your reasons for feeling angry. The process gives you emotional control. You can plan different responses and protect yourself from the consequences of misdirected anger. Rehearse your new responses.

Give peace a chance

Sometimes, self-compassion can melt anger. Acknowledge the difficulties you’ve experienced. Now, do some self-care. Get a massage, meditate, listen to soothing music or watch uplifting movies.

Try doing art. Read online articles about anger management. Get encouragement. Contact Henry Ford support groups and Imerman Angels.

Caregiver’s care

Detach from the patient’s anger. Look for the pain below the surface of anger. When anger escalates, take a time out. Care for yourself: Do something enjoyable! When there’s calm, talk about ways to prevent similar episodes.