A few years ago, a new word found its way into our language. But the predicament it describes is really nothing new. “Stresslaxing” describes a problem many of us have. We’re so busy and stressed out that when we try to relax, we get more stressed thinking of all the things we should be doing instead.
“I see this problem in people with busy jobs and lots of responsibilities,” says Rizwana Rahman, D.O., a family medicine specialist at Henry Ford Health. “They try to relax, but the thought of the size of their responsibilities just feeds the fire.”
If this describes you, don’t stress! There are ways for even the most tightly wound among to us to unwind.
Why Do We Stress Out About Relaxing?
Stresslaxing is just a catchy new way to describe a condition experts call relaxation-induced anxiety. While this isn’t a clinically recognized disorder, research has found that people with generalized anxiety disorder are more likely to also suffer from relaxation-induced anxiety.
People with these conditions find it difficult to let go of worries. In fact, they often focus on their worries (making lists in their heads or letting negative thoughts spiral out of control) whenever they try to slow down and relax. That, of course, just feeds into and creates even more anxiety.
People prone to stresslaxing may feel like they just need to push through the anxiety and force themselves to relax. “Relaxing on command doesn’t work for most people, but it’s especially hard for anyone who deals with relaxation-induced anxiety,” says Dr. Rahman. “If relaxing feels like just one more chore on your to-do list, it may be more likely to cause stress than relieve it.”
Why Good Sleep Is The First Step
Good quality sleep (and enough of it) is the ultimate form of relaxation. It’s the body and brain’s daily opportunity to refresh and recharge. “But people with high levels of stress often can’t sleep,” says Dr. Rahman. “The minute they lie down their brains start racing with thoughts.”
When that happens, it can further fuel your anxiety. You feel stressed, you can’t fall asleep, and the fact that you can’t sleep stresses you out even more. “I tell people that sleep isn’t an action, it’s a process,” says Dr. Rahman. “You have to let it happen; you can’t just close your eyes and force yourself to sleep on demand.”
She recommends following a program of behavioral conditioning to enhance sleep. A few key sleep strategies to try include:
- Setting regular bedtimes and wake up times: This helps your body become habituated to when it’s supposed to wind down and fall asleep.
- Putting electronics away two hours before bedtime: This is especially important when it comes to work. “You need a buffer between work and sleep,” says Dr. Rahman. “Reading emails right up until bedtime and then trying to go right to sleep rarely works.”
- Reading something kind of dull: Read until you start to feel drowsy, then put the book aside and close your eyes. If you don’t fall asleep after 10 minutes or so, start reading again until you feel drowsy. Keep repeating these steps until you fall asleep.
“A form of learning is called conditioning, which is performing two tasks in sequence so the brain associates one with the other,” she says. “Repeating these steps should help associate in the brain that bed equals sleep—not thinking about stressors.”
How To Relax (In Spite Of Yourself)
We all know that stress is bad for our health. But when trying to relax just stresses you out more it can feel like you’re stuck in a vicious cycle.
It can help to reframe the way you think about down time. Say you have a scheduled 10-minute break in your workday. Your first thought is that you’re too busy to take it and need to keep working. “It feels like you’re wasting time,” says Dr. Rahman. “But if you allow yourself that short respite, you’ll actually come back able to work more efficiently.”
People often mistake relaxation with sitting or lying still. But a walk or even a quick calisthenic routine can also be relaxing and help clear your head. Whenever possible, use those breaks in your workday to move your body.
During a stressful workday, you’re likely to have several tasks thrown at you simultaneously. And immediately, you feel your heart rate increase and your stress levels rise. Taking a mini relaxation moment to refocus may be all you need.
“Step back from it and take a deep breath—inhaling slowly though your nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth,” says Dr. Rahman. “This is enough to help your parasympathetic nervous system kick in, bringing your heart rate down.” Then you’ll be able to calmly prioritize your to-dos and tackle them one at a time.
Don’t use stresslaxing as an excuse not to relax. The key is to take it slowly, don’t force relaxation and most of all, be kind to yourself.
Reviewed by Dr. Rizwana Rahman, a primary care physician at Henry Ford Health who sees patients at Henry Ford Medical Center - Chesterfield.
