While the holidays can be a time to relax, celebrate and spend time surrounded by family and friends, for those with children, relaxing may not be the first word you’d use to describe the holiday break. For many, it’s chaos. Kids home from school are likely to act up – creating tension between members in the same household.
“So much of why kids lash out behaviorally during the holidays is because they are bored,” says Kelly Melistas, a childhood and adolescent psychologist at Henry Ford Health. “While parents and guardians may see holiday breaks as a time for rest, for kids, their minds are wired to want things to do.”
And while it might be okay to give your kids some leeway when it comes to treats, bedtime and screentime, Melistas offers these strategies to help kids and their guardians cope during time away from everyone’s regular routine.
Why Kids Act Out During Holiday Break
Every kid has different behaviors and emotions. However, regardless of the child, routines are crucial for kids. When that structure is off (like when kids are home for the holidays), behavior problems tend to begin.
“Because our society is so go, go, go, a break from the routine allows kids time to process their feelings more,” says Melistas. “So, in a way, it is likely they are ‘feeling’ more than usual during this gap in regularly scheduled activities.”
This could result in:
- Changes in sleep
- Temper tantrums
- Defiance or an unwillingness to cooperate
- Appetite changes
- Talking back
Tips For Helping Your Whole Family Enjoy The Holidays
When there are multiple events to attend and errands to run during the holidays, a change in your child’s behavior is expected as some point. Melistas suggests these steps for getting through it:
- Find the balance. The holidays are busy – meaning everyone probably isn’t getting to bed at the usual time and there might be more opportunities for extra treats. Finding the balance of what should or shouldn’t be allowed during break is a must, according to Melistas. “Maybe you allow for some negotiation on bedtimes or offer treats for good behavior,” she says.
- Offer choices. “While older generations typically didn’t offer their children a choice in things, we are now finding that letting your child think they have a say in gives them a sense of control and helps avoid frustration,” says Melistas. If you have errands to run, you might let your child pick the order you complete them. Or, let them pick a special snack or activity for after. It’s not about giving in, and you don’t have to do it with every choice, but it helps meet them where they are at.
- Make it fun. Beat the boredom by brainstorming things to do with your children during the holiday break. Maybe that includes a bedroom refresh, a fun activity, going some place new, extra family time, etc.
- Validate big feelings. Since behaviors are related to your child’s emotions, make a point to help them feel understood. Use phrases like, “I see you are upset; I get frustrated too,” or ask them, “what can we do to make things easier?” Melistas suggests using this strategy if you need to go somewhere as a family and your child doesn’t want to go.
- Stay calm. “This is the hardest thing for parents and guardians – especially around the holidays,” says Melistas. With holiday chaos and navigating stress and kids home from school, it can be especially challenging to keep it together. Try to keep it together when in the throws of your child’s behavior changes. If you need to, take a moment for yourself to take some deep breaths so you can respond calmly.
Resetting Your Child’s Routine After Break
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Preparing kids to transition back to a routine is almost as important as letting them have a break. Allow for some time to relax during the holidays but have a transition plan in place to help ease them back into their regular routine again.
Melistas recommends clearly giving your child a head’s up for when their routine will start up again. Marking it on the calendar from them to see so there are no surprises or room for arguments helps.
“Going back to school can bring up a lot of anxiety and stressors for kids,” says Melistas. “Take some time to revisit coping strategies your child can use at school to help them transition back into their routine including asking for a break, taking big belly breaths or drinking water.”
With so many breaks throughout the year, it can be hard for kids to constantly adjust to changes in their schedule. Fortunately, these tips aren’t only great for the holidays, but for long weekends and summer vacation as well.
Reviewed by Kelly Melistas, a child and adolescent psychologist who sees patients virtually.
